Change

We have two househelps at home - Ate Emily, who has been with us for nearly 3 years, and Ate Diding, who has been with us for a year. Ate Emily is in charge of cooking and cleaning, and Ate Diding handles the laundry and helps me take care of my daughters.

I am not OC when it comes to our household. I don't dictate a schedule for them. I don't tell them how to do their chores. I don't have a meal plan to adhere to. I don't scold them when they do something wrong. I don't deduct their salaries if they break a glass or iron a hole on my shirt. I talk to them and treat them as equals.

I like to think that this easy and laid back style has worked well for us. Our household runs smoothly. There are no issues or dramas with the help. There are no abuses from either side. They seem happy to be here.

Things changed last Friday when Ate Diding told me of her plans to leave us by the end of the year. My heart dropped! My toddler adores her and my 4-month old infant is so comfy with her. And she is wonderful at home. She has initiative and anticipates our needs. She is hardworking and very patient when dealing with the kids. She has never shown her irritation or been short tempered, even at the height of my toddler's tantrums. My one complaint about her is that she is timid and needs a bit of taking care of when we're out. But other than that, she is ideal for me and our needs. So her leaving is a real blow to me.

She will be going back to her province to take care of her own kids. That should lessen my sadness. A mom is choosing to be with her kids over work, just as I had chosen. I should be happy for her. Well, I am. I am just terrified of losing an integral part of my life. I owe her my sanity these past few months as I transitioned to be a mom of two. I honestly cannot imagine how to deal with the kids without her help.

My husband is not as terrified as I am. He reacts to change so effortlessly, it's amazing. His reaction when I told him the news? He said okay and we'll just deal with it. That's it. Amazing, I tell you.

He is right, we will deal with it. We have no choice but to deal with it. I'm just not the best when dealing with change. I like things as they are, and change means things will get difficult before it becomes natural again. It's the difficult stage I am scared of.

A silver lining is that I have about 3 months to make adjustments. My sister said I should be grateful Ate Diding gave me more than enough time to do so. Most househelps just leave abruptly, with no consideration whatsoever of their impact to others.

I am grateful, but I am still terrified of what is to come.