Guilt

I don't think I ever mentioned it here before, but I used to love keeping a diary. I don't write in them everyday though. I usually just put entries when I need an outlet for all that has been cooped up inside me or when something monumental happened that day and I want to preserve the memory.

Anyway, I kept one when I found out I was pregnant with Ally. The diary documented my feelings as I saw her first in the ultrasound, how I felt when she first kicked, how I managed my mood swings, etc. I kept writing in the diary even after I have given birth and during Ally's first few months. Unfortunately, I stopped writing when she was about 10 months old.

I saw the diary last night and I felt guilty that I stopped writing entries. Argh! Why do I keep doing things like this, starting a project and not finishing it? I am so disappointed in myself because I had wanted to preserve all the memories and share them with Ally and Sofia one day. And I feel doubly guilty that I kept a pregnancy diary for Ally and I didn't for Sofia. Geesh.

Please help me keep this feeling in mind so that I can persevere in this blog as my way of somewhat documenting my memories with my daughters. I really want to sit and read with them my thoughts about them when they were younger. I want them to know how they enhanced my life in ways I didn't expect or plan. I want them to be aware of how much they've grown and how much joy and pride they give me.

For my kids, I will do all that I can to be a better version of myself, and that includes overcoming my biggest weakness. So here's to more blog entries in the future. Yay!